Coping With Miscarriage Essay Research Paper Coping

Coping With Miscarriage Essay, Research Paper

Coping with Miscarriage:

The Male Perspective

Fathers who have experienced stillbirth, infant death, or miscarriage walk a uniquely sorrowful and challenging path K[facing] the intense challenge of parenting a child who cannot be physically held, tickled or read to.

(Drury, 1)

One of the hardest things a couple may face in their lifetimes is the tragedy of miscarriage, also known as spontaneous abortion. While the loss of a loved one is always hard, losing a child that you ve never had the chance to hold is an especially difficult challenge. There is very little sense of closure, because in some ways there was never a proper beginning. This is not to say that people don t love the child that they have lost; it simply means that it becomes very hard to say goodbye when you haven t even gotten to say Hello .

It s an accepted fact that this is an extremely difficult issue for a mother who experiences a miscarriage. However, we often overlook the pain, confusion and anguish that the father of the unborn child feels. It is not something you ever recover from emotionally K Men often find it very hard to talk about their deep emotional feelings K subsequently the effect of miscarriage on men is often under-estimated. (qtd.in Blacklock 4) There is no set formula for coping with it. That can be maddening for many men because they generally feel as if they must fix things. Unfortunately, there is no way to fix the pain that they and the mother feel. However, by educating themselves about the causes of miscarriage, the frequency of it, and by learning about other peoples experiences, and their methods of coping with personal tragedy; men may be able to deal with their partners grief and their own more effectively.

Many people who have been through this difficulty have found it useful to know more about the issue. There is an enormous wealth of information published in books and on the Internet that can help men cope with this extremely difficult challenge. Some people find it useful to know that they are not alone in their grief. Each year close to one million families are faced with the tragedy of infant loss. Approximately 15-25% of documented conceptions end in miscarriage. It is estimated that up to 50% of all conceptions end in miscarriage. (Jen s 1) This is because many doctors now believe that when a woman who normally has a regular cycle is late by a few days, then it is more than likely that she has experienced an early term spontaneous abortion.

Grieving fathers also find it beneficial to understand some of the underlying causes of miscarriage. Oftentimes the cause of a miscarriage cannot be determined, but the conventional belief of doctors is that chromosomal abnormalities are generally at fault. It is important for men to realize that in all probability they did not contribute to the miscarriage, and that there is little that they could have done to prevent it. Miscarriage is simply a tragic event that will take time for them to accept. Unfortunately, fathers often blame themselves or the mother for the loss, believing that something they did or did not do caused the miscarriage. The reality is that pregnancy is an incredibly complicated process that can terminate at almost any time for a variety of reasons.

Listed below are some of the factors that may cause miscarriage.(Jen s 2)

Y Genetic Abnormalities – caused either by, anomalous cell division or exposure to harmful environmental factors.

Y Poor Implantation in the Uterus.

Y Maternal or fetal infection.

Y Body failing to produce adequate pregnancy hormones.

Y Immune reaction to the Embryo.

Y Incompetent Cervix.

Y Cord accidents.

Y Placental accidents.

Y Random accident

Because miscarriage can be such a seemingly random accident, it is also important to understand what things or actions are not believed to contribute to spontaneous abortion. Doctors believe that sex during pregnancy is fine as long as there are no mitigating factors. Unless a woman is on bed rest exercise during pregnancy is actually recommended. Travelling during pregnancy does not cause miscarriages. 1 The human body is a remarkably resilient organism and women s bodies are designed to protect a developing fetus from a variety of potential external hazards. Men should avoid the unhealthy trap of blaming themselves or their partner for their loss. The miscarriage did not occur because they made love or because the man wasn t around to move a piece of furniture. Learning about what factors contribute to miscarriage and what actions do not cause miscarriage may help men to understand more about the issue and eventually help them to accept the pain of their loss and realize that both partners will need time to recover emotionally.

Men often feel a lot of guilt following a miscarriage, believing that since they are responsible for getting their partner pregnant they are somehow responsible for the pain their partner is going through. Men do not experience the same physical pain and hormonal changes that women go through after a miscarriage. As a result men feel guilty when they have trouble understanding the often irrational and occasionally contradictory stages of grief that the mother experiences. They become locked into the role of

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