Dating DilemmasViolence Essay Research Paper Dating Dilemmas

Dating Dilemmas:Violence Essay, Research Paper

Dating Dilemmas: Violence

Dating dilemmas are a pivotal problem in the lives of the young and single in society today. Over the years, date rape has become more and more predominant, especially in the lives of teenage girls who are completing high school and college. Many factors may influence the attacker to commit such a crime upon it.s teenage victim. But none are excusable or accepted and these attackers are being punished much more harshly since sexual assault was added, as an offence, to the Canadian Criminal Code. As for the victims, although nothing can take away the experience they suffered through painfully, treatment and therapy is available to help them get on with life. Dating violence is a distressing issue in a young persons life but it is also unavoidable and society must try and deal with it in the most civil way possible.

General Background Information on Date Rape

Date rape has been a serious problem for many years, for both women and men of any status. In early English law, virginity was demanded as an ingredient of rape but in 1275 legislation was passed that stated a woman could be raped whether she was a virgin or not. In the 18th century, virginity had ceased to be an ingredient at all in the definition of rape (McColgan, 1996:p.17). Nowadays, the definition of date rape is an act that occurs on a date, where one party; usually male, forces his victim to have sexual intercourse, without the victim.s consent, by using physical threat. As Robin Warshaw (1988) states, “Rape is violence not seduction”.

Dating violence, which includes rape and sexual assault, is occurring at alarming rates, especially among high school students. The majority of all date rape survivors were raped during their teenage years at high school but also one in seven college women will be raped on a date before she graduates. Among these students, it is and has usually been the girls who are targeted at as victims (Simon, 1997:p.1). These girls are beginning to realize that they must be careful and many are beginning to fear not only strange men but also the men they know very well. In the mid 1970.s, date rape awareness meant learning self defense and being wary of the men around you so as to survive. (Warshaw, 1988: p.1) As Robin Warshaw (1988) stated almost 80% of all rapes are acquaintance rapes where the victim knows her attacker well. The Ontario Government has composed data on date rape and is it quite alarming. (See Appendix 1)Date rape is a crime that has always been recognized (McColgan, 1996: p.2), but largely denied until recently. Dating violence is a serious problem in society and people must work to intervene and prevent it (Simon, 1997: p.2)

Date Rape and Its Influences

There is no one direct cause of date rape. Although there are usually three key elements involved, socialization, miscommunication, and/or changing sexual mores, one major reason for date rape is a lack of consideration for a woman’s rights and wishes.(Silverstein, 1994:21) In a general sense, traditional male and female roles in society are part of the problem. Men are taught at a very early age to be aggressors; they participate in aggressive team sports, are encouraged to be competitive, not to give up, to keep on trying. They are encouraged to have strong sexual feelings and to experiment with their sexual satisfaction as a part of their masculinity. This environment which encourages men to be competitive and get what they want often leads to a belief in the “right to have sex.”(Pirog-Good, 1989:172) Women on the other hand are socialized to be more passive, dependent, to be peacemakers, to avoid scenes, to be “lady-like.” They are discouraged from experimenting with their sexuality. The double standard allows men to have sexual feelings and act on them; in contrast, a woman is allowed to be sexual primarily when she becomes “carried away” with emotion. Communication between men and women is often problematical, especially in the realm of sex. Especially in a first sexual encounter with someone, some women may say “no” when they mean “maybe” or even “yes,” and men have been taught to try to turn that no/maybe into a yes. Thus, it is sometimes hard for men to know when “no” really does mean “no.” Women on the other hand, don’t want to agree to sex too readily for fear they will be seen as “loose” or “easy.” Misperceptions abound; a woman thinks she is merely being friendly, but her date thinks she’s signaling willingness to have sex. Some men believe they are entitled to sex when they have spent money on a date. Others may believe that if a woman is sexually active, she will willingly have sex with anyone, including him. Some men are sexually aggressive because they are basically insecure. The government of Ontario conducted a survey in 1995, asking questions concerning date rape. (See Appendix 2) Forcing sex on another person makes them feel strong because it makes someone else feel weak. Rape is violence against a woman. It is an issue that strikes at the heart of the personal relationship between a man and a woman, how they treat each other, arid how they respect each other’s wishes. (Silverstein, 1994:12)People who respect others do not coerce others to do things they do not want to do.

Date rape sometimes occurs after the victim has taken drugs or one drink too many. Whether under the in