Movie Tribute Essay Research Paper Interpersonal Communication

Movie Tribute Essay, Research Paper

Interpersonal Communication Paper#2

Steve Kim

Listening, the Way To Liberation

Listening is the most common and frequently used form of communication. It is considered to be one of the most important skills vital to any context applied in life. Besides being the most frequent form of communication, listening is arguably just as significant as speaking in terms of making relationships work, skills needed in creating and maintaining a marriage, in parenting children effectively, and in working together and making effective decisions on the job. However, people often fail to realize and make sense of listening as the missing element in communication to help resolve a large or small portion of their problems. In one particular survey marriage counselors identified failure to take the other s perspective when listening, as one of the most frequent communication problems in the couples with which they work (Vangelisti pg 109). Along with its lack of attention and emphasis, understanding of listening suffers from several misconceptions. Although, listening can be improved can be improved through instruction and training; many have failed to fulfill the proper need that improving ones listening is a good investment of your time and energy.

However, most people commonly misunderstand listening. The common misconceptions many believe to be is true is if they ve heard another person s message, they ve engaged in listening. Quite the contrary, hearing is not listening, if it were listening it would not be coined as a challenge. Hearing as it is appropriately defined is the process wherein sound waves strike the eardrums and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain. So, one can listen to another person speak and yet not process or give the sound any meaning. An example is when a husband is speaking to his wife about a particular issue and then he asks her, Are you listening to what I m saying, she responds quite assuring and repeats what he said. However, what the wife does not understand is that she just repeated what her husband said from short-term memory than replay the message back to him. On the other hand, listening occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning.

Why are people such poor listeners when it is such an important skill in developing and maintaining relationships. First, there is the habit of tuning out, which involves the processes of selective attention and selective perception. You hear what you want to hear and screen out what you don t. The following are examples of a Wife who shares her feelings with her husband after going to her friend s house and reveals to her husband that her friend Janet, is suffering from a financial crisis because her spouse has a gambling habit. Wife: I feel sorry for Janet. I went next door to see her this afternoon and well, you know I told you what happened to her last week.

Husband, not looking up, busy eating: Did you. What happened, I don t remember. On another occasion, an Employer requests for one of his employees to complete a tasks in which he specifically asked his employee to complete on a certain time. On a Friday afternoon: Employer: Do you have that report written yet. I said in our meeting on Monday that it must be mailed by 5 o clock today. Employee responds: Oh, oh, I m sorry, I don t remember you saying anything about that report. I must have forgotten. Both parties are guilty of selective listening, because each had tuned the other out and discounted the importance of the message. Because neither was listening to what the other was saying, they missed out on an opportunity to strengthen their relationship. If the husband had listened to his wife s anxieties and concern about Janet s problems, and if the employee had recognized the importance of having the report completed, both would have a better understanding of each other s position.

Unfortunately, poor listening behaviors are rampant in the classroom, as I have observed. A professor was giving a lecture in a class session when a student was not listening. While the professor was explaining a concept in my math class, he would turn to the students and select the unlucky student, who he suspected of not listening. One such student was picked. He would look the student sternly and earnestly ask, So, therefore, from the principle I just explained, how would I solve this equation. Surprisingly, the student was startled and he would look at the professor in disbelief. The student would use some nonverbal behaviors that suggested he did not know the answer to the problem. A simple pretext such as smile and shrug off the professor s message. This listening behavior is known as pseudolistening. Pseudolistening is an imitation of the real thing. Good pseudolistening gives the appearance of being attentive: They make eye contact, nod and smile at the right times, and even answer you occasionally (Gibb, J. Pg. 143-144). Pseudolisteners use a polite fa ade to mask thoughts that have nothing to do with what the speaker is saying.

Listening takes even a defensive form as I have evaluated a couple arguing. My friend and his girlfriend were discussing a financial matter involving my friend s mother. When his girlfriend asked, How much does your mother make a year. When he respo